Hunks. Champs. Again.

In what ended up being the closest finish in HandyJ history, Hunks Clubhouse once again captured the title by a mere half a point. The final month saw a few lead changes with runner up Three Fingers Brown, but once more the Hunks proved to be the better team. By becoming the first team to ever go back-to-back, the Hunks have shown that there is more to their hard bodies that just glitz and gluts.

Camden Loves Bukkake came in 2.5 holes points behind Hunks C, withstanding a late summer charge from the oft-injured Whisker Clams Bearded Biscuits Whisker Biscuits. The Heebs and Steamers tied for fifth while i have the runs came in eighth. 2014 will remain a big pile of disappointment for the Steamers and i have the runs, as they were both projected to finish at number 2. Also catching a whiff of the losers poo's were the NatziJews who really could have used the winnings to buy a dictionary and learn to spell nazi. FYI Shawn, there's an app for this whole Yahoo Fantasy Sports thing. Look it up, G.

And finally gang, bringing up the rear (and probably sniffing it too) we have the Drunken Hounds. The Hounds played it smart by moving players to acquire prospects and cheap keepers. I'm hearing word from the Hounds front office is that the plan to determine what three players will be kept will involve licking peanut butter off of Lance's balls. So smart money is on Yadier and Wong. But most pundits agree, Wong probably isn't a good fit since he eats dong dogs. Stereotype!

Focusing our attention back to the Hunks, Coach Swifty McShrew plans on having the Championship parade this Friday starting on the intersection of 69th and Hershey Highway, then veering down (for entirely too long) Honorary Colonel Angus Trail before finally stopping for a prideful rally at the Rainbow Garden Chinese Restaurant. The parade will be lead by co-grand marshals Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger and will also feature a performance from Molton Bohemoth.  

NFL Week 2 (or MLB Week 26):

Take note NFL pundits, writers, broadcasters, former players and NFL Network anchors/hosts/meat-heads:

It's Alshon Jeffery, not Jefferies. If that's too difficult, then just refer to him as "The Show".
It's escape, not excape. Don't believe me? Axe a dictionary.
It's illegal hands to the face, not illegal use of the face. C'mon NFL Network.


If we were sterilize Adrian Peterson, we could cut the number of single mothers in half. If we cut the number of single mothers in half, then who will I draft on my fantasy team in 2039?

I seriously think we just saw the Super Bowl preview this weekend in Seattle vs San Diego.

The Cubs have been eliminated from playoff contention. Uh, yeah? That type of crap can go unsaid. I've known for a couple of years that they wouldn't qualify for the 2010 2011 2012 2013 2014 playoffs. A fella I work with will ask me, "Did you see the Cards game tonight? Man, the fucking smashed the Cubs." My response is always, "Well they should. They're a better team."  The fact that this guy has to go around basking in the glory of pounding the piss out of a team that's going to barely eek out 60 wins...

 What the hell happened with the A's? What a collapse.

Clayton Kershaw should win both NL CY Young AND MVP. It's not even close.

First to comment wins a 2004 Playoff Prime Signatures Anquan Boldin #'d 481/999.

A HandyJ Favorite Hangs 'Em Up

HandyJ Darling and all around model citizen Carlos Zambrano has decided to retire rather than attempt another comeback. Big CrayZ informed reporters during Fridays Pirates/Cubs weather watch at Wrigley.

Zambrano last pitched in America with the Phillies farm system back in 2013. Things did not go well. But he does finish his career with a 132-91 record and also tossed a no hitter vs the Astros in Milwaukee. Zambrano was also a three time All-Star, three time Silver Slugger and finished in the top five of the CY Young vote 3 times.

While he was all types of crazy, Big Z was one of my all-time favorite Cubs. He was also part of two of the greatest Cubs teams ever in 2007 and 2008. However, he was part of two of the biggest disappointments in Cubs history in 2007 and 2008. The best part of Carlos in a Cubs uni was that he was crazy just like all of us.  

Fun Fapping Fact of The Day

This Fun Fapping Fact of the Day is brought to you by the upcoming 2015 HandyJ Draft guide.


Fact: If Dillon wins the 2014 HandyJ Championship, he will set the record for least amount spent on keepers in a championship season. That total would be $3. The current record is $28 held by Whitey from 2011. Dean has the closest chance at spoiling the record breaking effort with a total of $31 spent. Preston also sits at $3 while Clay comes in at an extravagant $18. Remember, my records ad Yahoo's action records only go back as far as 2011. Fap Fap Fap...

Cumming This Spring...

 

 

Look for the 2015 Handy J Draft guide coming this February or March. It will have in depth analysis on all your favorite Handy J teams like the Hunks or Camden Loves Bukkake. Plus, the 2015 draft guide will also contain draft history, player projections and fun little tid bits that will probably be offensive and untrue!

Send me tips and stories pertaining to the HandyJ Fantasy Baseball League. By the way, that lady isn't covered in cum. It's coconut milk! Oh internet...