Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Monday, March 26, 2012
What's at Stake for 2012
In the very first post of the HandyJ blog there were hints at what the grand prize is. However, there weren't and guesses. So, now that the league is about to begin, let us take a stroll back a month ago and see what the hints were.
- Not a DVD of Kung Fu Panda
- "Into the sun the south the north, at last the birds have flown, the shackles of commitment fell, in pieces on the ground"
- 60 years, "beaters" and "wax" = Diamonds
Before I give them away, I will say that there was a secret surprise to whoever made a correct guess. Looks like I will save them for something later.
Anyway, prize one is a 2011 Topps Lineage certified on-card Autograph of San Francisco's Pablo Sandoval. Book Value $12. Card two is 2010 Topps Allen & Ginter Mini Framed jeresy relic of Ryan Howard of the Phillies. Again, book value at $12. Prize three is the 2011 Topps Diamond Anniversary Series one complete set. The set includes, 2 Strasburg's, 2 Posey's, Braun, Pujols, Mantle, Freeman Rookie card, Chapman Rookie card, Votto, Stanton, Castro and a Yonder Alonso rookie card error card. Bazinga, indeed.
Also included is the complete mini set of Allen & Ginter's World's Most Mysterious Figures as well as some odds and end of weird things, like Copernicus!
Hell, sell it on ebay for a pretty penny. That's how I find a lot of it.
Song Of The Team
This song best describes how I feel about my team, Fabulous Flocculence. What one best fits yours? Limp Bizkit, perhaps? Feel free to post in the comments section. Or don't.
That's nice
Amid Scandal, Draft Completed
The HandyJ draft concluded Saturday evening in just under five hours. Let's recap the days action.
The Draft:
Once the draft started an hour late, a vote was set in motion as three keepers replaced two keepers. The majority hoping this would move the draft along faster. WRONG! The draft was interrupted many times by NBA and NCAA basketball talk(Really? No, REALLY?). Blows my mind to think that there is a white audience out there for the NBA. Some struggled to place together three keepers whilst other threw caution and top dollar to the wind and kept their absolute best or David Freese.
Dean removed his tongue from Clayton Kershaw's anus long enough for Clay to take him away. Though, it's hard to hang on to what you want when you hands are holding Votto's cock and Santana's balls AND you're giving Buster Posey a foot job.
The league welcomed Werth and Mars to replace two Estranged managers.
Congratulations to all who won prizes. For placing last season, Roberts won a 2011 Topps game-used jersey card of Matt Holliday. Winston took home a 2009 UD Goodwin Champions game-used jersey card of 2005 NL MVP Derrek Lee. League Champion Whitey accepted his 2011 Allen & Ginter Tommy Hansen game-used jersey card with a very excited "Eh". Also taking home fun prizes: everyone else.
Scandals and Rumors:
A GM of a team that has yet to be renewed(Dean, WTF?) accused the auctioneer and the Alabama Hot Pockets. Nothing became of this due to the frequency that this particular GM yells out gibberish and girlish yelps, yippies and giggles.
Coherent-gate or Madsen-gate or strike-from-my-roster-gate shook the leagues foundations for the last two hours of the draft. End the end, everyone settled and maybe even kissed. But this little birdie isn't telling. Kind of a play on words there. Gay.
A tight lipped GM withheld info on certain players pertaining to the Braves, among other teams. Some claimed this GM to also be tight assed with his budget until he proved them wrong by dropping $13 on Jed Lowrie. Insert rap song big money spender made up word or catchphrase here _________, n****!
I'm hearing there is a GM out there who may be looking to swap a number two starter for second level infielder. I'll check my sources to see who may be offered up.
Bryan LaHair and Anthony Rizzo were drafted back-to-back and the late rounds by different teams.
Once the final bums accept their invites and log in so the rosters can be set, I will post the biggest losers and winners of the draft along with my top notch analysis from my ass.
The Draft:
Once the draft started an hour late, a vote was set in motion as three keepers replaced two keepers. The majority hoping this would move the draft along faster. WRONG! The draft was interrupted many times by NBA and NCAA basketball talk(Really? No, REALLY?). Blows my mind to think that there is a white audience out there for the NBA. Some struggled to place together three keepers whilst other threw caution and top dollar to the wind and kept their absolute best or David Freese.
Dean removed his tongue from Clayton Kershaw's anus long enough for Clay to take him away. Though, it's hard to hang on to what you want when you hands are holding Votto's cock and Santana's balls AND you're giving Buster Posey a foot job.
The league welcomed Werth and Mars to replace two Estranged managers.
Congratulations to all who won prizes. For placing last season, Roberts won a 2011 Topps game-used jersey card of Matt Holliday. Winston took home a 2009 UD Goodwin Champions game-used jersey card of 2005 NL MVP Derrek Lee. League Champion Whitey accepted his 2011 Allen & Ginter Tommy Hansen game-used jersey card with a very excited "Eh". Also taking home fun prizes: everyone else.
Scandals and Rumors:
A GM of a team that has yet to be renewed(Dean, WTF?) accused the auctioneer and the Alabama Hot Pockets. Nothing became of this due to the frequency that this particular GM yells out gibberish and girlish yelps, yippies and giggles.
Coherent-gate or Madsen-gate or strike-from-my-roster-gate shook the leagues foundations for the last two hours of the draft. End the end, everyone settled and maybe even kissed. But this little birdie isn't telling. Kind of a play on words there. Gay.
A tight lipped GM withheld info on certain players pertaining to the Braves, among other teams. Some claimed this GM to also be tight assed with his budget until he proved them wrong by dropping $13 on Jed Lowrie. Insert rap song big money spender made up word or catchphrase here _________, n****!
I'm hearing there is a GM out there who may be looking to swap a number two starter for second level infielder. I'll check my sources to see who may be offered up.
Bryan LaHair and Anthony Rizzo were drafted back-to-back and the late rounds by different teams.
Once the final bums accept their invites and log in so the rosters can be set, I will post the biggest losers and winners of the draft along with my top notch analysis from my ass.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Draft Date
The 2012 Handy J Draft is set for Saturday, March 24th at 4 pm at Winman's house. Remember, draft starts at four so please be early so we can start on time!!! We don't want this thing going late into the night. Also, please bring your 2012 league dues, a pen, and paper.
Monday, March 19, 2012
Wanna Win This Shit?
You can win these awesome prizes* by participating in the 2012 HandyJ Fantasy League. For details, just show up to the damn draft this coming Saturday.
*Not all prizes shown. Not everyone will win a prize. Not everyone is a winner. Sorry, Dean.
Friday, March 16, 2012
Keeper Candidates: Cleveland Steamers
Brandon Belt - $1 - Lots of upside. Could belt 20 dingers.
Jay Bruce - $25 - A common theme with the Reds hitters: high power with high strike outs. You take the good, you take the bad...
Corey Hart - $1 - Last seasons keeper. Tough to find this good of an option for a buck. How will his numbers look with out Fielder?
Michael Morse - $1 - Two positions. Sure there are better options at first base but not on this team. Morse had awesome numbers last season after a slow start. And he is in his prime.
Brandon Phillips - $26 - Second base options wont come any better or cheaper. Well, they may cum cheaper if they're whores or Skip Schumaker. But seriously, Weeks and Utley are health risks and Uggla can't decide if he likes hitting or sittin the bench.
Aramis Ramirez - $20 - Had a healthy and productive 2011. But can he stay healthy in 2012 when he turns 34?
Giancarlo Micheal "Fausto Carmona Leo Nunez" Stanton - $30 - It's only a matter of time before Dean demands that we call him Gary.
Dan Uggla - $39 - For Uggla, the first half of the '11 season was like Chinese Democracy and the second half was like Use your Illusions II. Awful and pretty good but not as good as it could and should have been.
John Axford - $1 - God damn, why don't i just list who not to consider keeping. Uh, Bastard and Milone. That's got a ring to ring. Like a clothing line or some kind of sauce. Bastard and Milone, you're gonna look like the tits. You ain't had fries til you've Bastard and Milone'd them.
Cole Hamels - $23 - Yeah, he's alright.
Josh Johnson - $32 - Strasburg.
Cliff Lee - $40 - Also a fine choice.
Tim Lincecum - $39 - Wiley Wiggins/Mitch Kramer
Projected Keepers: Tough... John Axford and Corey Hart
Jay Bruce - $25 - A common theme with the Reds hitters: high power with high strike outs. You take the good, you take the bad...
Corey Hart - $1 - Last seasons keeper. Tough to find this good of an option for a buck. How will his numbers look with out Fielder?
Michael Morse - $1 - Two positions. Sure there are better options at first base but not on this team. Morse had awesome numbers last season after a slow start. And he is in his prime.
Brandon Phillips - $26 - Second base options wont come any better or cheaper. Well, they may cum cheaper if they're whores or Skip Schumaker. But seriously, Weeks and Utley are health risks and Uggla can't decide if he likes hitting or sittin the bench.
Aramis Ramirez - $20 - Had a healthy and productive 2011. But can he stay healthy in 2012 when he turns 34?
Giancarlo Micheal "Fausto Carmona Leo Nunez" Stanton - $30 - It's only a matter of time before Dean demands that we call him Gary.
Dan Uggla - $39 - For Uggla, the first half of the '11 season was like Chinese Democracy and the second half was like Use your Illusions II. Awful and pretty good but not as good as it could and should have been.
John Axford - $1 - God damn, why don't i just list who not to consider keeping. Uh, Bastard and Milone. That's got a ring to ring. Like a clothing line or some kind of sauce. Bastard and Milone, you're gonna look like the tits. You ain't had fries til you've Bastard and Milone'd them.
Cole Hamels - $23 - Yeah, he's alright.
Josh Johnson - $32 - Strasburg.
Cliff Lee - $40 - Also a fine choice.
Tim Lincecum - $39 - Wiley Wiggins/Mitch Kramer
Projected Keepers: Tough... John Axford and Corey Hart
Keeper Candidates: Whiskey Chuggers
Dee Gordon - $1 - Sb's will be there. Power won't.
Matt Kemp - $36 - Remember when Derrek Lee won the 2005 MVP? Oh, he didn't? Well Kemp went through a similar scenario in 2011. Arguably the best all-around player in the NL if not the league.
Brian McCann - $34 - Hard to defend not keeping the best NL option at catcher. I mean, would you rather keep him or try and draft him cheaper when you know everyone will be after those precious stats at that position. Seriously the best available option if he isn't kept will be Iannetta or Ramos...If you can even afford them.
Hanley Ramirez - $54 - Probably cost Robert's a title last year. Had issues in the field, in the batters box and in the dugout. Now that the free spending Marlins have added some top level talent in Jose Reyes, a reliable yet aging closer in Heat Bell, and the two craziest Venezuelans north of, uh, Venezuela...is this really going to work? You can't have Scarface on the same team as another Scarface. They are going to kill each other! And then Logan Morrison will fucking get sent down for a week as a result.
Pablo Sandoval - $23 - He should produce near the same. He could lower his strike outs.
Drew Stubbs - $18 - K'd 205 times last year as a lead off man for most of the season. Jesus. Had forty steals though. And will play for a good team in a shit division. Gotta love those match ups vs Cubs and ASStros.
Daniel Hudson - $19 - Really nice 2011 for Hudson. Won 15 games and pitched 222 innings.
Anibal Sanchez - $7 - Shit this guy was great last year too. And will probably be better this season with the projected run support.
Drew Storen - $5 - Almost a K an inning while saving 43 games.
Projected keepers: McCann and Kemp. This many excellent options is a nice problem to have.
Matt Kemp - $36 - Remember when Derrek Lee won the 2005 MVP? Oh, he didn't? Well Kemp went through a similar scenario in 2011. Arguably the best all-around player in the NL if not the league.
Brian McCann - $34 - Hard to defend not keeping the best NL option at catcher. I mean, would you rather keep him or try and draft him cheaper when you know everyone will be after those precious stats at that position. Seriously the best available option if he isn't kept will be Iannetta or Ramos...If you can even afford them.
Hanley Ramirez - $54 - Probably cost Robert's a title last year. Had issues in the field, in the batters box and in the dugout. Now that the free spending Marlins have added some top level talent in Jose Reyes, a reliable yet aging closer in Heat Bell, and the two craziest Venezuelans north of, uh, Venezuela...is this really going to work? You can't have Scarface on the same team as another Scarface. They are going to kill each other! And then Logan Morrison will fucking get sent down for a week as a result.
Pablo Sandoval - $23 - He should produce near the same. He could lower his strike outs.
Drew Stubbs - $18 - K'd 205 times last year as a lead off man for most of the season. Jesus. Had forty steals though. And will play for a good team in a shit division. Gotta love those match ups vs Cubs and ASStros.
Daniel Hudson - $19 - Really nice 2011 for Hudson. Won 15 games and pitched 222 innings.
Anibal Sanchez - $7 - Shit this guy was great last year too. And will probably be better this season with the projected run support.
Drew Storen - $5 - Almost a K an inning while saving 43 games.
Projected keepers: McCann and Kemp. This many excellent options is a nice problem to have.
Keeper Candidates: The Pretenders
David Freese - $9 - WS MVP. Not a bad option at third as long as he is healthy. Bids will be high based on legendary playoff performance.
Alfonso Soriano - $8 - Apparently he is hitting well this spring. Still, the Cubs may move him during the season.
Roy Halladay - $42 - Most consistent pitcher in the league. 20 wins, 200+innings and 200+k's.
Projected keepers: Freese and Halladay
Alfonso Soriano - $8 - Apparently he is hitting well this spring. Still, the Cubs may move him during the season.
Roy Halladay - $42 - Most consistent pitcher in the league. 20 wins, 200+innings and 200+k's.
Projected keepers: Freese and Halladay
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