Baseball Scramble Over

The Scramble is over. Wirth is the one and only winner. He has won...

2013 Topps Archives Andre Ethier (1990 style)
1978 Topps Ivan DeJesus
1992 Pinnacle Chad Curtis (rookie)
2011 Topps ToppsTown Dan Uggla
1974 Topps Felipe Alou
1969 Topps Ron Fairly
1970 Topps Larry Dierker
1990 Fleer Super Star Specials Howard Johnson and Ryne Sandberg

Scrambles not solved

Wilson Betemit
Camilo Pascual
Brad Emaus

Reserves Vote Finished

Dominic Brown - 56
Allen Craig - 36
Jean Segura - 36
Cliff Lee - 33

Michael Cuddyer - 32
Hanley Ramirez - 17
Francisco Liriano - 12
Jeff Locke - 11
Yadier Molina - 8
Chase Utley, Jordan Zimmerman - 5
Freddie Freeman, Shin-Soo Choo - 3
Hyun-Jin Ryu - 2
Pedro Alvarez, Aroldis Chapman - 1

Reserves Ballot Update

Michael Cuddyer - 20
Dominic Brown - 16
Hanley Ramirez - 12
Jeff Locke - 10
Francisco Liriano - 8
Yadier Molina - 7
Chase Utley - 5
Jordan Zimmerman - 4
Freddie Freeman, Shin-Soo Choo - 3
Cliff Lee, Allen Craig, Jean Segura - 2
Pedro Alvarez, Hyun-Jin Ryu - 1

Voting Ends Friday 8AM

Reserves Ballot

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/2VKZ7ZV

Copy Paste for bench ballot. Select four players. the McCutchen/CarGo tie takes up the 5th bench spot.

Final Voting Results: 2013 HandyJ All-Stars

CATCHER

1. Buster Posey  - 44
2. Yadier Molina - 31
3. Evan Gattis - 17
4. Kurt Suzuki - 16
5. Wilin Rosario - 8
6. Russel Martin - 2
7. John Buck - 2
8. Rob Brantly - 1

CORNER INFIELD

1. Paul Goldschmidt - 68
2. Joey Votto - 62
3. Pedro Alvarez - 31
4. Allen Craig - 19
5. Freddie Freeman, Juan Francisco - 13
6. Garrett Jones - 11
7. David Wright - 10
8. Yonder Alonso - 9
9. Ryan Zimmerman, Matt Adams, Michael Young - 1

MIDDLE INFIELD 

1. Everth Cabrera - 49
2. Matt Carpenter - 43
3. Jean Segura - 32
4. Brandon Phillips, Jedd Gyorko - 24
5. Starlin Castro - 18
6. Troy Tulowitzki - 17
7. Chase Utley - 12
8. Ian Desmond - 11
9. DJ LeMahieu - 4
10. Andrelton Simmons - 2
11. Scutaro, Gregorius, Rutledge, Descalso, Mercer, Hill, Murphy - 1

OUTFIELD

1. Starling Marte - 65
2. Yasiel Puig - 59
3. Andrew McCutchen, Carlos Gonzalez - 40
4. Michael Cuddyer - 38
5. Norichika Aoki - 29
6. Dominic Brown - 25
7. Shin-Soo Choo - 22
8. Alfonso Soriano - 20
9. Carlos Gomez - 6
10. Justin Upton, Carlos Beltran - 4
11. Hunter Pence - 3
12. Jon Jay - 2
13. Harper, Werth, Kemp, Parra, Byrd, Pollack - 5 

STARTING PITCHERS

1. Clayton Kershaw - 87
2. Adam Wainwright - 84
3. Matt Harvey - 75
4. Patrick Corbin - 73
5. Travis Wood - 57
6. Jason Marquis - 43
7. Jeff Locke - 34
8. Cliff Lee, Hyun-Jin Ryu - 33
9. Jordan Zimmerman - 20
10. Mat Latos - 13
11. Carlos Villanueva - 10
12. Jhoulys Chacin, Francisco Liriano, Homer Bailey - 9
13. Scott Feldman - 4
14. Lance Lynn - 3
15. Samardzija and 6 others - 2
16. Gonzalez and 10 others - 1 

RELIEF PITCHERS

1. Jason Grilli - 48
2. Mark Melancon - 28
3. Kyuji Fujikawa - 26
4. Josh Collmenter - 25
5. Craig Kimbrel, Edward Mujica - 22
6. Steve Cishek - 20
7. Kevin Gregg - 19
8. Kenley Jansen - 14
9. Aroldis Chapman - 11
10. Rafael Soriano - 4
11. Eric O'Flaherty, Heath Bell, Rex Brothers - 1

Sunday Morning Ballot Report

Here is where we stand as of 11 AM Sunday morn. Just under 24 hrs left to vote. The Finalized version will be prettier. Please ignore my haste with this update. Leaders in Bold.

Buster Posey - the bearded clams 35
Yadier Molina - camden loves bukkake 29
Wilin Rosario - Wirthless Fucks 1
Evan Gattis - Cleveland Steamers 2
John Buck - Free Agent 2
Rob Brantly - Free Agent 1
Kurt Suzuki - Free Agent 16

Paul Goldschmidt - the bearded clams 58
Joey Votto - Cleveland Steamers 55
David Wright - camden loves bukkake 9
Allen Craig - Drunken Hounds 11
Freddie Freeman - Wirthless Fucks 5
Pedro Alvarez - Cleveland Steamers 4
Ryan Zimmerman - Hunks Clubhouse 1
Michael Young - camden loves bukkake 1
Juan Francisco - NatizJews 13
Garrett Jones - Free Agent 11
Matt Adams - Free Agent 1

Jean Segura - Wirthless Fucks 25
Troy Tulowitzki - NatziJews 15
Everth Cabrera - the bearded clams 32
Matt Carpenter - camden loves bukkake 26
Brandon Phillips - Drunken Hounds 18
Daniel Murphy - camden loves bukkake 1
Chase Utley - I have the runs! 12
Jedd Gyorko - Cleveland Steamers 18
Marco Scutaro - NatziJews 1
Starlin Castro - NatziJews 18
Didi Gregorius - Cleveland Steamers 1
Josh Rutledge - Free Agent 1
Daniel Descalso - Free Agent 1
DJ LeMahieu - the bearded clams 1
Jordy Mercer - Hunks Clubhouse 1
Aaron Hill - the bearded clams 1

Bryce Harper - Drunken Hounds 1
Carlos Gomez - Cleveland Steamers 4
Jayson Werth - Cleveland Steamers 1
Matt Kemp - Cleveland Steamers 1
Andrew McCutchen - Hunks Clubhouse 26
Starling Marte - Hunks Clubhouse 39
Yasiel Puig - Hunks Clubhouse 33
Carlos Gonzalez - camden loves bukkake 33
Gerardo Parra - cmaden loves bukkake 1
Dominic Brown - the bearded clams 19
Justin Upton - the bearded clams 4
Norichika Aoki - the bearded clams 15
Michael Cuddyer - I have the runs! 31
Hunter Pence - I have the runs! 3
Carlos Beltran - NaziJews 3
Shin-Soo Choo - NaziJews 20
Alfonso Soriano - NaziJews 20
Marlon Byrd - Free Agent 1
Jon Jay - Free Agent 2
A.J. Pollack - Free Agent 1

Mat Latos - Drunken Hounds 12
Hyun-Jin Ryu - Drunken Hounds 27
Matt Harvey - Cleveland Steamers 62
Adam Wainwright - Cleveland Steamers 54
Madison Bumgarner - Cleveland Steamers 2
Julio Teheran - Cleveland Steamers 2
Jacob Turner - Cleveland Steamers 2
Gerrit Cole - Cleveland Steamers 1
Jordan Zimmerman - Handicapable 20
Travis Wood - Handicapable 32
Cliff Lee - Handicapable 28
Clayton Kershaw - Hunks Clubhouse 58
Patrick Corbin - Hunks Clubhouse 44
Francisco Liriano - Hunks Clubhouse 7
Andrew Cashner - Hunks Clubhouse 1
Shelby Miller - camden loves bukkake 1
Jeff Locke - camden loves bukkake 15
Ryan Vogelsong - camden loves bukkake 1
Jeff Samardzija - Wirthless Fucks 2
Scott Feldman - the bearded clams 1
Johnny Cueto - the bearded clams 1
Paul Maholm - the bearded clams 1
Jhoulys Chacin - the bearded clams 1
Lance Lynn - I have the runs! 3
Gio Gonzalez - I have the runs! 1
Homer Bailey - NaziJews 4
Matt Garza - NaziJews 2
Carlos Villanueva - Free Agent 10
Jason Marquis - Free Agent 43
Dillion Gee - Free Agent 1
Roy Hallady - Free Agent 2
Dan Haren - Free Agent 2
Marco Estrada - Free Agent 1
Tyler Skaggs - Free Agent 1

Kenley Jansen - Drunken Hounds 8
Steve Cishek - Cleveland Steamers 17
Jason Grilli - Cleveland Steamers 48
Rex Brothers - Handicapable 1
Rafael Soriano - Hunks Clubhouse 4
Edward Mujica - Wirthless Fucks 7
Craig Kimbrel - I have the runs! 16
Aroldis Chapman - I have the runs! 5
Mark Melancon - I have the runs! 19
Kyuji Fujikawa - NaziJews 26
Kevin Gregg - Free Agent 19

All-Star Races to Watch This Weekend

Posey leads Molina by 4 votes
Goldschmidt leads Votto by 4 votes, Craig by 39
Segura and Cabrera tie, Gyorko not far behind
Marte, Puig and McCutchen barely fighting off CarGo and Cuddyer
Kershaw, Harvey, Wainwright, Corbin and Wood distance themselves from rest of pack
Grilli voters continue dismantling rest of RP selections. Melancon next closest but 25 still back

Ballot Results July 5th

Catcher

• Buster Posey - 22
• Yadier Molina - 17
• Kurt Suzuki - 6
• Rob Brantly - 1
• Wilin Rosario - 1
• Evan Gattis - 1
• John Buck - 1

CI

• Paul Goldschmidt - 38
• Joey Votto - 33
• Freddie Freeman - 5
• Allen Craig - 4
• David Wright - 4
• Pedro Alvarez - 3
• Juan Francisco - 3
• Ryan Zimmerman - 1
• Michael Young - 1
• Matt Adams - 1
• Garrett Jones - 1

MI

• Everth Cabrera - 20
• Jean Segura - 17
• Jedd Gyorko - 15
• Brandon Phillips - 12
• Troy Tulowitzki - 10
• Chase Utley - 9
• Matt Carpenter - 6 (pending trade to camden loves bukkake)
• Starlin Castro - 2
• Daniel Murphy - 1
• Marco Scutaro - 1
• Josh Rutledge - 1
• Daniel Descalso - 1
• Jordy Mercer - 1
• D.J. LeMahieu - 1
• Aaron Hill - 1

OF

• Starling Marte - 25
• Yasiel Puig - 20
• Andrew McCutchen - 17
• Carlos Gonzalez - 16
• Michael Cuddyer - 14
• Alfonso Soriano - 10
• Norichika Aoki - 10
• Shin-Soo Choo - 9
• Dominic Brown - 7
• Justin Upton - 4
• Carlos Gomez - 3
• Hunter Pence - 3
• Carlos Beltran - 3
• Jon Jay - 2
• Marlon Byrd - 1
• A.J. Pollack - 1
• Gerardo Parra - 1
• Bryce Harper - 1

SP

• Clayton Kershaw - 37
• Matt Harvey - 35
• Adam Wainwright - 29 (pending trade to camden loves bukake)
• Patrick Corbin - 29
• Travis Wood - 19
• Jeff Locke - 15
• Cliff Lee - 14
• Jason Marquis - 13
• Jordan Zimmerman - 11
• Hyun-Jin Ryu - 11
• Francisco Liriano - 4
• Lance Lynn - 3
• Homer Bailey - 2
• Matt Garza - 2
• Dan Haren - 2 (signed with I have the runs!)
• Roy Halladay - 2
• Jeff Samardzija - 2
• Jacob Turner - 2 (pending trade to camden loves bukkake)
• Mat Latos - 2
• Madison Bumgarner - 1
• Julio Teheran - 1
• Andrew Cashner - 1
• Shelby Miller - 1
• Scott Feldman - 1 (traded to AL)
• Johnny Cueto - 1
• Paul Maholm - 1
• Jhoulys Chacin - 1
• Gio Gonzalez - 1
• Dillion Gee - 1 (signed with camden loves bukkake)
• Marco Estrada - 1
• Tyler Skaggs - 1

RP

• Jason Grilli - 35
• Craig Kimbrel - 12
• Kyuji Fujikawa - 11
• Mark Melancon - 11
• Aroldis Chapman - 5
• Edward Mujica - 5
• Steve Cishek - 5
• Rafael Soriano - 4
• Kevin Gregg - 4 (signed with the bearded clams)
• Kenley Jansen - 3
• Rex Brothers - 1
• Eric O'Flaherty - 1
• Heath Bell - 1

Marquis Campaigning for HandyJ All-Star Selection

As the 2013 HandyJ All-Star ballot hit the net, many voters were amazed to see a wide selection of players to choose from. The MLB ballot only let's you pick who they deemed worthy enough at the time of printing so there never are any updates relating to injuries, call ups or trades. Voters are allowed one write in vote per league, which many voters stupidly use on retired players like Cal Ripken JR (turd) or simply write in themselves (douches). Let us not forget the insane rule that all the teams must have a representative.

Enter Jason Marquis. A one time All-Star and World Series Champion. Not the flashiest of players. Not even the best. Not even the best looking. But also, not the ugliest. Not the worst. Not the un-flashiest. More or less, just an average player. Yet, when his name was announced for this seasons HandyJ ballot, Jason realized this may be his last chance at semi-greatness.

11:09 am July 1st, 2013

Marquis phones former manager Tony La Russa. "Hey Tony, it's me."
"Lassie?!"
"No, uh, Jason. Jason Marquis. You, uh, 'member me?"
"..."
"2006 champs?"
"Jeff Suppan?"
"Jesus, Tony. No. Ja-son Mar-quis."
"Oh! Oh yeah, the Hebrew kid. *Pause* Gosh, I recall that time you gave up thirteen runs in five innings of relief. You're a regular Vin Mazzaro." Tony coughs. "Excuse me. This lesbian wine is very viscous. Tough to swallow."
"Is it Kosher?"
"You can't have any of my lesbian wine. I need it... to get lesbians to come over. I wanna be manhandled be two butch dikes in flannel with Johnny Unitas haircuts."
Jason sighs. "Tony, Lesbian wine is made by carpet munchers. Sure some muff dunkers may drink Lesbian wine but Tony, Lesbian wine is called that because it is made on the island of Lesbos."
"So it's made by lesbos then."
"...Yeah, I guess so."
"Huh. Ok, bye."
"Wait!"
The reciever goes dead.
"I just wanted to talk about being a 2013 MLB All-Star before I fade into obscurity like Kerry Ligtenburg..."

6:07 pm July 1st

Later that night, tired of his usual Camden Bukkake website, Tony begins trolling the internet for handy j fetish sites. It was about 300 sites in before he clicked on handyjfantasy.blogspot.com/. He loved the idea of handjobs and baseball players. Fortunately for Jason Marquis (and unfortunately for La Russa's sweet gherkin), there aren't any hand jobs on the actual page (at the drafts, who knows) just baseball. And this particular day, there was an All-Star ballot.

Tony, book smart as he may be, thought that by checking the boxes he would actually get to watch hand jobs from many great players such as Matt Carpenter, Allen Craig and Adam Wainwright, who has given him a reach around many rears ago. Years, I mean. Oh the names Tony would click. Votto! Liriano! Frantically looking for Hollywood. Damn. Not on the ballot. Tony then spotted a name he remembered from just a few hours earlier. Shelby Miller.

Oh God, thought Tony. "So hot", he loudly moaned as he put his finger into his anus once. Twice. His fist.
"Wha-! Is that? That says Jason Mar, uh, queers?" He sounded it out. "Oh silly me. Mar-QUIS! Jason Marquis! HA HA. Oh yeah thats hot! Aw yeah."

He clicked and clicked again. Three times to be exact. And then he came.

The Anal. The End, I mean.

All-Star Ballot day 2

Remember to vote as often as you like. This is your chance to put together a REAL All-Star squad devoid of all the fan favoritism. But after seeing these results, I guess stupidity is still a real issue... 

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/2VKZ7ZV

Catcher

• Yadier Molina - 11
• Buster Posey - 10
• Rob Brantly - 1

Corner Infield 

• Paul Goldschmidt - 19
• Joey Votto - 11
• Allen Graig - 3
• Freddie Freeman - 2
• David Wright - 2
• Juan Francisco - 2
• Garrett Jones - 1
• Pedro Alvarez - 1

Middle Infield 

• Jean Segura - 10
• Jedd Gyorko - 7
• Everth Cabrera - 7
• Chase Utley - 7
• Troy Tulowitzki - 5
• Matt Carpenter - 4
• Brandon Phillips - 2
• Daniel Descalso - 1
• Josh Rutledge - 1

Outfield

• Starling Marte - 12
• Carlos Gonzalez - 10
• Yasiel Puig - 9
• Michael Cuddyer - 9
• Andrew McCutchen - 7
• Dominic Brown - 4
• Hunter Pence - 3
• Carlos Gomez - 2
• Alfonso Soriano - 2
• Jon Jay - 2
• A.J. Pollack - 1
• Marlon Byrd - 1
• Shin-Soo Choo - 1
• Carlos Beltran - 1
• Norichika Aoki - 1
• Justin Upton - 1

Starting Pitcher

• Clayton Kershaw - 17
• Matt Harvey - 16
• Patrick Corbin - 16
• Adam Wainwright - 12
• Travis Wood - 8
• Jeff Locke - 7
• Cliff Lee - 7
• Francisco Liriano - 4
• Jordan Zimmerman - 3
• Jason Marquis - 3
• Lance Lynn - 3
• Roy Halladay - 2
• Dan Haren - 2
• Mat Latos - 1
• Hyun-Jin Ryu - 1
• Andrew Cashner - 1
• Shelby Miller - 1
• Jeff Samardzija - 1
• Gio Gonzalez - 1
• Matt Garza - 1
• Dillion Gee - 1
• Marco Estrada - 1
• Tyler Skaggs - 1

Relief Pitchers

• Jason Grilli - 14
• Craig Kimbrel - 7
• Mark Melancon - 5
• Edward Mujica - 5
• Aroldis Chapman - 4
• Kenley Jansen - 3
• Kyuji Fujikawa - 2
• Steve Cishek - 1
• Kevin Gregg - 1
• Eric O'Flaherty - 1
• Heath Bell - 1

All-Star Results Day One

As of 6:45 AM 7/2

Catcher:

• Buster Posey 6
• Yadier Molina 4
• Everyone else 0

Corner Infielders (top two)

• Paul Goldschmidt 8
• Joey Votto 7
• Allen Craig 1
• Freddie Freeman 1
• Others 0

Middle Infielders

• Jean Segura 6
• Jedd Gyorko 5
• Troy Tulowitzki 4
• Chase Utley 3
• Brandon Phillips 1
• Everth Cabrera 1

Outfielders (three)

• Starling Marte 7
• Andrew McCutchen 5
• Yasiel Puig 5
• Michael Cuddyer 4
• Carlos Gonzalez 3
• Hunter Pence 2
• Carlos Gomez 1
• Dominic Brown 1
• Justin Upton 1
• Carlos Beltran 1

Starting Pitchers

• Clayton Kershaw 8
• Patrick Corbin 8
• Matt Harvey 7
• Adam Wainwright 5
• Travis Wood 5
• Jeff Locke 5
• Cliff Lee 3
• Francisco Liriano 3
• Lance Lynn 2
• Andrew Cashner 1
• Mat Latos 1
• Shelby Miller 1
• Gio Gonzalez 1

Relief Pitchers

• Jason Grilli 8
• Edward Mujica 4
• Craig Kimbrel 3
• Aroldis Chapman 2
• Kevin Gregg 1
• Kenley Jansen 1
• Steve Cishek 1

Get those votes in!!! Voting ends 8 AM July 8th

2013 HandyJ All-Star Ballot

Hunks Clubhouse has taken the time to put together an ALL-STAR ballot for the HandyJ League. Please Vote as often as you like. The roster will be revealed in one week. 

Copy and paste for All-Star Ballot

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/2VKZ7ZV