NFL Week 2 (or MLB Week 26):

Take note NFL pundits, writers, broadcasters, former players and NFL Network anchors/hosts/meat-heads:

It's Alshon Jeffery, not Jefferies. If that's too difficult, then just refer to him as "The Show".
It's escape, not excape. Don't believe me? Axe a dictionary.
It's illegal hands to the face, not illegal use of the face. C'mon NFL Network.


If we were sterilize Adrian Peterson, we could cut the number of single mothers in half. If we cut the number of single mothers in half, then who will I draft on my fantasy team in 2039?

I seriously think we just saw the Super Bowl preview this weekend in Seattle vs San Diego.

The Cubs have been eliminated from playoff contention. Uh, yeah? That type of crap can go unsaid. I've known for a couple of years that they wouldn't qualify for the 2010 2011 2012 2013 2014 playoffs. A fella I work with will ask me, "Did you see the Cards game tonight? Man, the fucking smashed the Cubs." My response is always, "Well they should. They're a better team."  The fact that this guy has to go around basking in the glory of pounding the piss out of a team that's going to barely eek out 60 wins...

 What the hell happened with the A's? What a collapse.

Clayton Kershaw should win both NL CY Young AND MVP. It's not even close.

First to comment wins a 2004 Playoff Prime Signatures Anquan Boldin #'d 481/999.

A HandyJ Favorite Hangs 'Em Up

HandyJ Darling and all around model citizen Carlos Zambrano has decided to retire rather than attempt another comeback. Big CrayZ informed reporters during Fridays Pirates/Cubs weather watch at Wrigley.

Zambrano last pitched in America with the Phillies farm system back in 2013. Things did not go well. But he does finish his career with a 132-91 record and also tossed a no hitter vs the Astros in Milwaukee. Zambrano was also a three time All-Star, three time Silver Slugger and finished in the top five of the CY Young vote 3 times.

While he was all types of crazy, Big Z was one of my all-time favorite Cubs. He was also part of two of the greatest Cubs teams ever in 2007 and 2008. However, he was part of two of the biggest disappointments in Cubs history in 2007 and 2008. The best part of Carlos in a Cubs uni was that he was crazy just like all of us.  

Fun Fapping Fact of The Day

This Fun Fapping Fact of the Day is brought to you by the upcoming 2015 HandyJ Draft guide.


Fact: If Dillon wins the 2014 HandyJ Championship, he will set the record for least amount spent on keepers in a championship season. That total would be $3. The current record is $28 held by Whitey from 2011. Dean has the closest chance at spoiling the record breaking effort with a total of $31 spent. Preston also sits at $3 while Clay comes in at an extravagant $18. Remember, my records ad Yahoo's action records only go back as far as 2011. Fap Fap Fap...

Cumming This Spring...

 

 

Look for the 2015 Handy J Draft guide coming this February or March. It will have in depth analysis on all your favorite Handy J teams like the Hunks or Camden Loves Bukkake. Plus, the 2015 draft guide will also contain draft history, player projections and fun little tid bits that will probably be offensive and untrue!

Send me tips and stories pertaining to the HandyJ Fantasy Baseball League. By the way, that lady isn't covered in cum. It's coconut milk! Oh internet... 

2014 HandyJ All-Stars Revealed

Catcher - Jonathan Lucroy (25)

• Molina, Castillo (7)

Corner - Paul Goldschmidt (23) and Todd Frazier (16)

• Luis Valbuena, Mike Olt (10)
• Freddie Freeman (7)
• Justin Morneau, Matt Adams (7)

Middle - Troy Tulowitzki (31), Annthony Rendon (13)

• Hanley Ramirez (12)
• Jordy Mercer (7)

Outfield - Giancarlo Stanton (33), Andrew McCutchen (24), Charlie Blackmon (14)

• Carlos Gomez (13)
• Emilio Bonifacio (10)
• Junior Lake, A.J. Pollack (9)
• Billy Hamilton (8)

Set-up - Pat Neshek (13)

• Will Smith (12)
• Jean Machi (5)

Closer - Francisco Rodriguez (18)

• Aroldis Chapman (11)
• Hector Rendon (7)
• Craig Kimbrel (6)

SP - Clayton Kershaw (34), Adam Wainwright (31), Jake Arrieta (26), Alfredo Simon (25), Johnny Cueto (22)

• Dice-k (19)
• Julio Teheran (15)
• Bartolo Colon (12)
• Hyun-Jin Ryu (11)
• Jenrry Mejia, Vance Worley (8)

2014 HandyJ All-Star Ballot

Copy and Paste the below link to fill out your Ballot

https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/3Y5N58X

Clear The Fence Contest!

The two teams that hit the most homers for Saturday and Sunday will each win a copy of the newest Reckless Love album, Spirit. Gentlemen, set your lineups.

        

results:
i have the runs! - 0
Drunken Hounds - 1
Heebs - 1
Jews - 1
clams - 1
steamers - 0
bukkake - 1
Hunks - 3 winner
Three Fingers - 2 winner